Most of our life is spent accumulating material items. We may be collectors, or it may be that after time we have ended up with possessions passed down to us. Regardless, once we have lived in a house for decades stuff just adds up.
After people retire, they often think about downsizing—moving to a smaller place. This involves disposing, selling, or donating household items. Since accumulation can be a burden, engaging in downsizing requires us to do the work so that others (often adult children) don’t have to do it later.
Another way to view downsizing is to edit or curate. This is an intentional practice of deciding what to keep and what to let go of. In other words, a cleaning of our internal inventory, which can include curating our relationships, practices and habits, activities and involvement, and beliefs. This process can be as challenging as letting go of physical items because our internal inventory is embedded into our lives. While downsizing your possessions is important, these are four areas to consider downsizing after retirement.
Relationships
Long-term relationships (of all types) can be tremendously fulfilling and true gifts (as I’ve written before, connection is protection). However, many people keep up relationships due to inertia rather than conscious choice.
One of the great gifts of getting older is discernment. We can decide our level of engagement and with whom we associate. In my coaching practice, I advocate how important it is to make intentional choices and decisions—particularly about how you spend your time and with whom.
Think about each of the relationships you have with your family and friends. Do you feel as though the relationship adds something positive to your life? Do you feel as though it’s more or less an even give and take? If not, then it may be time to scale back or let the relationship go.
Practices And Habits
And with age comes some health challenges. Many people by 65 have had knees and hips replaced and some have even had shoulder replacements. Health issues can change your physical activity, and I know from personal experience. While I used to play tennis and jog, I’ve had my ACL in both knees repaired. As a result, I do a lot of walking and hiking, biking, and yoga. Pickleball makes me nervous. I have known several people younger than me who had serious injuries from playing pickleball.
Regardless of our issues, we must be careful about mixing alcohol with medications. One study found adults aged 50-59 to be the largest age group in opioid treatment programs.
Activities And Involvement
Since we are no longer climbing the ladder and adding to our resumes, this may be the time to curate how we spend our time and energy. We may want to learn some new activities such as chess or bridge which can be a social activity with others.
We might also want to change our involvement with the local community or our faith community. In retirement workshops, I’ve had participants say, “I am burned out from volunteering,” and I understand that feeling. This may be the time to get involved in some different groups or causes where you would be energized by meeting some new people and contributing in new ways.
Maybe you want to learn some new skills and take some classes. Since I was a bad church organist in my past life (high school), I started taking piano lessons after I left my full-time professorship. I know I have benefited from these lessons in several ways. I have taken several art classes at our local art center.
We still only have 24 hours in a day. You will likely need to downsize other activities to make time for new activities and involvement.
Limiting Beliefs
Our society rewards productivity. The focus is on doing rather than on our being. We are human beings buttrained to be human doings. It is hard to break out of this mindset without intentional work. When the ego gets involved, it is hard to let go of identifying ourselves by what we do. After all, what’s the first question we often ask others when we first meet them? “What do you do?” This becomes an even harder question after we have left our careers. If we answer, “I am retired,” the conversation stops. It can be a conversation killer.
I have started to ask new people, “What are you interested or involved in?” This is a conversation starter. Almost everyone can provide a response that leads to a conversation.
Becca Levy, in her book “Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Determine How Long & Well You Live,” concluded “Age beliefs, it turns out, can steal or add nearly eight years to your life.” But our society makes it easier to have negative and limiting beliefs about getting older such as:
“I don’t deserve to focus on myself.”
“At my age, it’s too late to find love.”
“I can’t learn new things at my age.”
Now is the time to edit these negative thoughts out of your life. We deserve to focus on our self to maintain our mental and physical health. It is not too late to find love. One of my professional mentors lost his wife in her 70s. But he found love again, married at 88, and lived to be 93. And if you have a strong desire to learn new things, you can do it.
Ashton Applewhite, author of “This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism,” believes we are all ageist and it is time to edit these negative beliefs out of our lives. “We olders can be the most ageist of all because we have had a lifetime of hearing those messages and internalizing them, where they become part of our identity.” However, even if you’ve held limiting beliefs all your life, it’s never too late to let them go.
Take Action
It may be time to think about a smaller place to live and decide what to do with some of your possessions. But is also might be time to remove “weeds” that threaten to harm your garden.
Ask yourself:
- Am I spending time with people who have a positive attitude about life and aging? Do I have friends who lift me up? Whom would I call in the middle of the night with an emergency?
- Do I have some practices and habits that have become unhealthy? Should I stop doing some things so that I have time to do other things I enjoy more?
- What do I want to learn? How will I learn it? Should I change my form of exercise?
- What are my attitudes about aging? What beliefs do I hold about myself or others that I need to eliminate because they are holding me back from becoming the best version of myself?
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