In retirement, many of us have time to slow down and the freedom and flexibility to make our own decisions. Yet, we can find ourselves busier than when we worked. In fact, I’ve had clients tell me, “I am so busy that I don’t know how I had time to work!” If you agree with this sentiment, then here are three tips for managing your life.
Tip 1. We Don’t Manage Time.
Early in my career, I was hired to facilitate many workshops on “Time Management” with the goal of helping employees become more efficient and effective. But I told them, “We don’t manage time. We manage our behaviors in the context of time. Whether we like it or not, time keeps ticking away.” My emphasis became making them aware of how they spend their energy, attention, and focus. And this emphasis has only become more important in this economy where everyone is fighting for your attention.
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says this: “The more control you have over your attention, the more control you have over your future. And it starts with having enough courage to protect your time.”
Chris Guillebeau, author of Time Anxiety: The Illusion of Urgency and A Better Way To Live, defines time anxiety as “One part is the fear of time running out—it’s nonrenewable and that’s inherently stressful,” Guillebeau told Tim Maurer in a podcast conversation, “The other is the day-to-day question: What do I do next, out of unlimited options?”
Based on my own coaching experience, one of the issues retirees struggle with the most is the lack of structure. How, where, and with whom do I invest my time? When we do a deep dive on “time,” we realize that it is the most democratic and precious resource we have. What we know is that it doesn’t matter who you are, what you look like, how much money you have, or what your profession. We all only have 24 hours. And once time is gone, we can’t get it back. We can’t replenish, replace, or reclaim it. That time is gone forever.
In her TIME person of the year profile, Taylor Swift said this, “You can’t give your energy to everything. Focus is a currency, and I want to spend it intentionally. I don’t want to waste it on things that take me away from the work or the people I love.”
Tip 2. We Need To Reframe How We Think And Talk About Time.
If you listen carefully, we tend to talk about time in the negative: I had time to kill. I had time to waste. I used up all the time I had. I spent too much time doing this task. I was killing the clock. I was running out of time or I felt time slipping away.
It is important to reframe these negative time expressions into positive or empowering ones that that suggest purpose, mindfulness, or growth. We can start by replacing how we “spend” time with “invest.” How, where, and with whom do we want to invest our time? This change in language can shift our mindset about how valuable our scarce resource of time really is. Be careful and aware of how you think about talk about time.
Tip 3. We Don’t Always Have To Say “Yes” And We Don’t Have To Finish.
When our time is not structured, it is easy to start filling up our time rather than fulfilling our time. Just because you have time, doesn’t mean you have to agree to be involved especially if it doesn’t really interest you. As James Clear says, “It’s so easy to say yes. We want to be agreeable, helpful, liked. That’s how time disappears and attention becomes fragmented: not in big chunks, but in a thousand small concessions. What you trade your attention for is what your life becomes.” So the next time someone asks you to do something, don’t check your calendar—check your personal goals and dreams and make sure you’re not trading away too much of your time and attention.
Anne Lamott, in her book Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son’s First Year, points out that “No is a complete sentence.” She continues to explain, “It is okay to say no without offering an explanation. It is okay to protect your peace. If you’re not careful, your calendar will become filled with other people’s priorities.”
You can earn some time back by not finishing everything you start. Whether it’s a book, a movie, a TV show or series, a concert, a football game, or another kind of event, you can stop or leave and invest that time in other ways. Recently, I was watching a series on Netflix and I found the theme to be dark and dreary–the opposite of positive and uplifting. When I said to my husband, “I don’t really care how this series ends or what happens to these characters,” we decided there were better ways to reclaim that time by focusing on what matters more to us.
Conclusion
We live in a society where being “busy” can be viewed as a badge of honor. We are used to our productivity being evaluated. Just remember that you don’t manage time. It will manage you if you let it. Pay attention to how you think about and talk about time. Mel Robbins, author and podcaster, summarized Taylor Swift’s quote in this way: “Treat your energy like a luxury good — not everyone can afford it.”
Shift to a positive mindset because you are investing your attention on what and whom matters. Only say “yes” to things that add value to your life or bring you joy in some way. And I give you permission to not finish everything you start. If you are not enjoying the journey, you can stop. While we don’t manage time, we can manage how we invest our time, attention, and energy.
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